


First Field

by TheHuskyDragon



Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [2]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: ??? sure, BTs (Death Stranding), Cryptobiotes (Death Stranding), Cuddling, M/M, Pining, Sam is blunt bc he doesn’t know how to interact w people, bug eating, is it Mutual? Who knows!, this is the begining of higgs’ redemption arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:57:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21591109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHuskyDragon/pseuds/TheHuskyDragon
Summary: “Would you go back?”“Go… back? Higgs asks, voice thin.“To having all that power. Being able to do whatever you want again.”
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551493
Comments: 2
Kudos: 217





	First Field

**Author's Note:**

> Aha. I LOVE how y’all loved that last chapter so much!!! You guys don’t realize the dopamine rush it gave me I think I understand how the MULEs get hooked on stealing cargo hahah
> 
> Minor notes: Higgs has gold/ light brown eyes (bc blue doesn’t go with his aesthetic!! Got damn it!!) and also maybe slightly sharper teeth bc Cmon. Secondly I’m leaning towards him having bpd (or something very similar) And maybe hypersexuality (, but to a smaller extent to which he’s hooked on them Good Brain Chemicals from getting that good nut) highkeyed by having high DOOMS and always being around chiraliam and whatnot 
> 
> One more thing! Mild disclaimer I suppose; Higgs pulls apart a cryptobiote without realizing/ thinking that’s ... not entirely a good thing to do? He doesn’t glorify it or anything, but it might be a little odd for some people
> 
> Title from The Antler’s song of the same name goddd y’all go listen to em. Expect to see more titles by that band

Higgs wakes to his arms and legs tangled around Sam. It’s… _nice_. He’s warm, and comfortable… He'd mindlessly gone from consciousness to a restless sleep on the beach. He has no idea how long he'd been there, constantly feeling the cold air and sea lapping at him. Going by the deep near-snores coming from the smaller man, he’s still asleep. Higgs hopes he’s just as comfortable too. He almost wishes they weren’t dressed, to have as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Higgs can’t help but tangle himself tighter against him. Higgs wants to stay in this moment forever… he can’t remember the last time he’d felt so comfortable. 

He breathes in deeply to sigh, but then, behind the door to the room, he smells— _someone—_

Just as he sits up, barely enough time for Sam to do the same, the door opens and in comes a large man. 

“Sam—! Oh,” the intruder is dressed in a black suit; gloves too. There’s a scar that stitches itself across his forehead. The man seeing Higgs stops him in his tracks. Of _course;_ Higgs was seen as the enemy for how long? And to see him cuddling with Bridges’ prized member? Sam eyes both the other men, waiting for someone to react. In turn, multiple expressions cross over the stranger’s before it settles over… a smirk? With an arched eyebrow to match. A cold sweat comes over Higgs. Higgs can hear some accent the next time he speaks. 

“ _Ah_ ,” he starts, “I see what’s going on, Sam!” He’s not… angry? He chuckles, tapping a finger in the air. Sam leans toward Higgs, nearly shielding him as if this man would attack him. Higgs in nearly trembling with anticipation. He can feel it in his hands. _Now Higgs is glad they dressed themselves the night before…_

Sam heaves a sigh, hanging his head, “Higgs, this is Deadman.”

Higgs swallows thickly. His voice is trembling as much as the rest of him is, “Hello,”

-

Higgs’ voice sounds remarkably similar to when he tricked Sam with that nuke; thin and nervous. _The duality of man, huh._

Sam’s not sure what he expected, Deadman didn’t usually come in, let alone before he fucking wakes up. 

Whatever. It’s not like anything has _happened_. Sam hopes Higgs isn’t scared in any way, he highly doubts Deadman could even hurt a fly. And certainly not someone he just fucking slept with. 

“Well, I came here to tell you Lou is faring quite well with Cliff! He seems to enjoy being around her too,” _well that’s good news at least_ . Sam would like to see her- _both_ of them before he picks up a delivery.

“But,” Deadman continues, “it looks like we could have another porter, yes?”

Sam feels the bed jostle, Higgs gasps, “ _really_?”

-

“We can’t just— Deadman, if Fragile sees him he’s fuckin dead.”

“I know! I don’t know what we can do. We can’t just leave him in your private room.”

They keep talking about him, which is _fine_ , Higgs doesn’t even feel like he’s here. He wants to work for Bridges, wants to be near _Sam_ . God, he misses his porter days… but they’re right, if Fragile, or maybe Die-Hardman sees… or whoever this _Cliff guy_ is… _why does he have Lou?_

“I’ve got it!” Deadman’s epiphany startles Higgs out of his stupor with a snap of his fingers, “we’ll get him cuffs! If he’s part of Bridges, even Fragile can’t oppose too much. That, and he can do his own deliveries! See, Sam, it’ll be _fine_ ,”

Before either Sam or Higgs can oppose—not that Higgs would— the man leaves. There's a tense silence that follows when the door closes. Sam sighs again and rubs the bridge of his nose. 

“Could I ask a question, Sam?”

“Shoot,”

“Who’s Cliff?” 

Sam lifts his head from his hand and looks at him, perplexed. “You don’t know him? Huh,”

Now Higgs is confused. “Why would I know him? Is he part of Bridges or…?”

“Well, no— yes—he’s- he’s my father,”

_That’d explain why he’s with Sam’s child._ “That’s strange, Amelie never mentioned him…”

“She—? Who’d she talk about?” Sam poorly masked his excitement… _hm_. 

“Almost everyone at Bridges, I guess,” Higgs answers, leaning back on the cot, thinking about it, he realizes he doesn’t know everyone at Bridges, “you, of course, she always talked about you; Die-Hardman... perhaps she mentioned Cliff but I never pressed…”

“What about Mama? Er… Lockne?”

“Who,”

Sam grumbles to himself. And begins to dress into his porter outfit. It’s adorned with various patches of sorts, one for Bridges, Fragile Express, Amelie’s quipu. When he put on the backpack, there is the Ludens figure— he vaguely remembers that being on Lou’s pod— and a few more items. 

“My turn, eh?” Sam says, still dressing, “to ask a question?”

“Oh, yes,” Higgs says, eager to hear what he’ll ask. 

“What the _fuck_ was up with you?”

Higgs balks at his bluntness, “ _huh??”_

“When you were with the Homo Demens, you were this sadistic fuck that just wanted to kill everyone. The fuck was up with that?

“It— I—“ he starts, still surprised at him being so blunt. He _knows_ Sam isn’t angry, but him talking like that gives Higgs the feeling of bugs crawling under his skin. “It could be a lot, I suppose. Chiralium overdose, being power-hungry, being a step below a god…” _childhood trauma_ , he left out.

“Why’d you fuck over Fragile?”

“That’s two questions,” Higgs points out. 

Sam raises an eyebrow. He sighs. Then groans. “I—I don’t know. Honestly, I don't remember. I think I just wanted to,” he waves his hand in the air while he tries to find the words, “to see what I could do, see how fucked up I could get. I was so _powerful_ , Sam. Do you know how _good_ that felt?”

Sam shrugs on the straps of his backpack, stomps the heels of his boots. 

“Would you go back?”

“Go… back? Higgs asks, voice thin. 

“To having all that power. Being able to do whatever you want again.”

Higgs realizes the question is a trap, he phrases it as such, “ _god,_ no.” He stands up, “Sam I would never do that again. I’d rather lose all my DOOMS forever than do that again. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.” He never _did_ in the first place. 

... _how would Sam feel if Higgs said it was all Amelie?_

Sam checks his gear over again, adjusting a few straps and _hm_ ’s thoughtfully. “What is your DOOMS Level now? Now that you aren’t connected to Amelie?”

Higgs thinks it’s over. “I don’t know…” he raises his palm up, tries to conjure his mask. 

Nothing. 

He blinks, then tenses his arm, tries harder. 

Nothing. happens. 

He’s… disappointed… or something. “If I even _have_ any DOOMS level left, it’s probably level two, three if I’m lucky.” He drops his hand. 

He feels Sam’s hand clap against his shoulder. The skin beneath his shirt _sings_. “You’re like me then. I’ll see you in a few hours yeah? This port shouldn’t take too long if I take a bike.”

Higgs mouth drops open, “a few—hours? There’s nothing to _do_ here!”

“Sure there is!” Sam teases, heading to the door, “I got a buncha music on the player. There’s cryptobiotes, try to see if you can like— make another mask or some shit. Hell, drink some of my Monster—“ and before Higgs can say anything, “ _—bye_!” He leaves, the door closing shut behind him loudly. He can hear the elevator just barely, before he’s out of earshot too.

“Shit,”

-

Higgs does, in fact drink an entire can of Monster-- which is disgusting as always. Which subsequently knocks him out, weirdly enough. He plays all available music by Low Roar twice over, confirming that, yes, they _do_ have good music; then moves his way over to Sam’s glorious collection of figurines. 

There’s one of every beached thing he’s sent into Sam. He sighs fondly at seeing his lions… those were his favorite… there’s one of _some_ man— could it be Cliff?— surrounded by four battle ready _skeletons_ . _What the hell?_

Higgs organizes the figurines, first by his favorite. Then by size. Then one more time by what he things was the most difficult for Sam to fight. 

  
  


He almost misses the sound. A tiny _tap tap tap_ against glass. He honestly thinks he imagines it til he turns to the cryptobiotes. What weird creatures… brought upon this world because of the Death Stranding… Higgs taps his fingers on the glass of the container and the table to _I’ll Keep Coming._ He picks up the jar and opens the cap. 

Immediately one of the little buggers flies his way out. He closes the container and sets it back down. Now with his hands free, he grabs it. Higgs looks it over, almost as if to see if maybe… it’s sick, or different, perhaps just to observe it. With both hands, he grabs onto both ends and softly squeezes it. It’s soft and the thing protests mildly, trying to crawl away. Higgs then pulls it, vaguely remembering a childhood memory of doing the same thing to an earthworm. 

But, unlike an earthworm, the insect cannot stretch half a foot if it’s lucky. Neither can it continue living after its head is removed from its body… which does happen. The biote’s movement slowly still as it’s innards vaguely connect itself to… itself. What hangs out of the body float in the air like a cobweb. Higgs thumbs the sticky little grabbers of the bug. It sticks itself for a second between the divets of his thumb pads. He eats the cryptobiote. 

_I’ll Keep Coming_ finishes and _Gosia_ begins. 

Higgs lays down. 

He thinks back to the question Sam asked him. 

_Would you go back ?_

_To having all that power . Being able to do whatever you want again_

What he _wants_ to do is conjure up his lion. If he could have one thing… _other_ than Sam. If he could conjure up _one thing,_ not a storm, not the EE, it would be his dear lion, just one… he clenches his fists and squeezes his eyes tighter shut. Oh, how would daddy feel, knowing he had such high DOOMS? To know that he blew Middle Knot City to ruins? That he almost caused the end of all life on earth? He’d be disappointed… to know Higgs killed his uncle, watched him become a BT...but now Higgs is stuck _here_ , in this room, bored out of his _mind, powerless—_

He hears a _mew_ , _such a small sound_ , by his head. 

He turns so hard he could snap his neck. His eyes land on a black kitten, fur made of tar and a golden face. 

“Mekal!”

He did it… _he can still conjure up catchers!_

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this entirely on my phone and I’m posting it on my phone just like the last chapter here’s to hoping there aren’t that many issues q-q 
> 
> Deadass just googled “Egyptian cat names” and got mekal ahaha
> 
> Tumblr is Higgs-the-god! Drop by eh?
> 
> Kudos and comments got this chapter here so quick so keep em coming! I got a lot planned for these two


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